Saturday, November 10, 2007

With Death, It is ok to Live

Last night the kids and I bought two fish for our fish tank. When we woke up this morning, one of them was dead. Our hamsters have never lasted over a year or two, and my son's pet crickets, well, if they are alive for over a month, we know they have reached old age and it is just a matter of time. In a way, having pets come and go can make it easier to handle when it happens to a person. Having lost a pet that you love, you learn that life does go on, even without them.

I remember when my kids' first hamster, named Mouse, died. It was so sad. My son found him in the cage right before leaving for school. Both kids had a good cry, but went off to school. I was worried about the kids all day. Were they in their classes crying? Were they upset? How would they handle the tragedy of the morning?

When I picked the kids up later that day, they were both fine. No tears, no sadness, no nothing. I asked how their day went they both said they were sad in the morning, but once they started playing, they forgot about it.

I have lost a lot of people in my life, from my mom, to a best friend, to relatives, and everyone in between. Often, when I find out about someone passing, I want to be alone and not talk to anyone or see anyone. But, being a single mom with kids, that option is often not available.

I lost another friend a few weeks ago and was going to stay home, cry, and be sad. My sister called me and asked me to go to her house. At first, I didn't want to. I would just be a burden, all sad and crying and such. But she asked again and I decided I would. When I got there, we put on a funny movie and it made me smile. I felt guilty about laughing when I should have been crying.

When my kids found the fish this morning, at first they were sad, but then they said it was ok because we could just go to the pet store and buy another one. With people, you don't get to go buy another one, but somehow you just know that life does go on. You still have to go to work, you still have to pay your bills, and you still have to do whatever it is you normally do. Yes, there are days when I still cry and my heart is sad, but I also know that my heart will never forget the person and that it is ok to give my mind a break. It is ok to laugh, it is ok to love, and it is ok to live.
(c)2007 Cindy Breninger. All Rights Reserved.