Sunday, October 28, 2007

Judy, Deanna, and Susan. Gone forever, but not forgotten

Three dreams about three beautiful women, Judy, Deanna, and Susan, all of whom have passed away too early and too young.

My mom, Judy. She died when I was 16 and she was 42. After she died, I never felt that I needed to go to the cemetery. This bothered me as most people visit graves and it seems to make them feel better. For some reason, I never felt the need to go. Then I had a dream one night wherein my mom came over to me. Well, she sort of floated as she was a spirit or something. I apologized to her for not visiting her grave. She laughed and said it was fine and that she wasn't in there, but she was everywhere. She told me anytime I wanted to talk to her, just look up and she will hear me. She said it was nice when people did visit, but she also knew when they were talking to her and it made her happy. Years later, when I did visit, I took my kids. They were about 4 and 5 years old. My son walked over the her grave, put his ear on the headstone and said, "What's that? You want me to tell my mommy that you love her and you miss her? I will tell her!" He turned around and told me what my "mom" had said. It was sweet, like I got to hear her tell me she loved me one more time.

Deanna, Annie-Banannie. We had been best friends since we were 11. She died two years ago at the age of 34. We used to be so close, but had drifted apart with families, jobs, and life. One night I had a dream about her. It started that I was in the womb waiting to be born. Weird, I know, but it was dream. Anyway, I couldn't come out because I only had 3/4 of a sole and it needed to be whole. Somehow, Deanna, who was also waiting to be born, said I could have 1/4 of hers, but with the condition we always stay close or she would die. Years later in my dream, Deanna and I moved apart from one another and because we weren't as close as we were and because we were so busy, she died. I was very upset in my dream, but then she came back to me and told me it was ok, that she was never far away, as I would always have part of her sole with me. It made me think that people we love, we will always have a part of them, our memories, with us in out hearts forever.

Susan. Susan passed away a few weeks ago and had been one of my best friends for seven years. I will just say she was under 40, as she would probably strike me with lightening if I revealed her real age. Last night I had a dream and I was looking for her. I couldn't find her. I heard someone whispering my name from inside a tree. I looked inside the tree and there she was. She looked so pretty, and happy. I told her I missed her and asked if she could come back. She said no, but that she would be in the tree and I could visit anytime I wanted. She said she could be in any tree she wanted and when she wanted to say hi, she would move the branches and the leaves would wave at me. Today, while driving to the store to buy a newspaper with her obituary, I was stopped at a light, just spacing out, when out of a group of trees, only one moved. It surprised me as I hadn't been thinking about my dream, but it made me smile. Was she waving hello? I will never know, but it also made me cry as I was sad, but comforted thinking just maybe it was Susan.

I miss these three so much it hurts. They were all taken too early and too young. There are days when I wish I could take out my heart and squeeze out all the sadness, but I know I can't. I just hope they are safe and happy. Every time I see a tree move, I will wonder if maybe, just maybe, one of them is saying hi.
(c)2007 Cindy Breninger. All Rights Reserved.

3 comments:

Elise said...

I like to think so...

Most people will have memories and experiences where they believe a departed one has tried to communicate. I know I do.

xoxox

Rose said...

My condolences to your loss. I know what it is like to loose someone young. My youngest daughter died when she was 5 weeks old.

Sea.maiden said...

I was drawn to this blog and I feel for you. You have had some tragic experiences. But I feel your dreams are a way of your loved ones letting you know they are ok. That may sound weird, but I believe it's a good thing to pay attention to our dreams and the messages we get from them. It happens to me all the time, and the more I listen, the more I seem to travel down the right path in life. And I also seem to get through sticky situations fairly easily. It's a nice feeling to think that loved ones are watching over us.
Cherish them, my friend.